It's been a while since I took the notion to put anything down here. It was the end of March and I was getting irked by the Catholic Church. My how things fucking change.
Well they do actually. I've not posted for a few reasons, the usual, don't know what to write, do know what to write but think no one would give a shit bout what I think. Most of all though its because I've got a new job and its taking up all my time. My last role (a short contract) gave me slightly more time than i was comfortable with to ponder my distgruntlisms and commit them to a bright pink blog page.
Although my natural ability for negative and bitter perceptions and judgements remain solid, I'm going to have to say something positive. I'm really liking my new job. I know, I know I'm not here to be positive but stay with me, I'm easing myself back in.
I'm working back in an industry I know well and enjoy, the company seem to great, the team are all talented and funny, the brands are great and I'm doing a bit of travelling as well. Just back from Taiwan. Had a ball in Taipei, met some cool people, eat some great food and consumed whisky like it was keeping me alive. 4 months into the job and it's very positive so far.
Anyway, enough with my unsettling expressions of smuggery.
Not to worry, Glasgow is very grey and wet today and my commute to work assured me that there are still plenty of bell ends out there. Lots of fuel for a good bloody moan next time
There are only a few mega brands that I wouldn't thank you for the opportunity to have a go at doing some work on. Even the ones you don't really understand and stand for things completely set against what you believe in, within reason you'd still have a pop or at least fancy yourself to be able to do something. Maybe a bit of re-positioning for a political party, or work on the appeal of some media title with a perceived harsh exterior.
Not following me? I'm saying I think it would be interesting to do some work for a bunch of bastards, and have a go at de-bastardising them.
However, this goes the other way too. Some are beyond help and I wouldn't touch them with yours (notepad and PowerPoint slides I mean obviously)
Currently standing proudly at the summit of Mount Awful, looking out to a panorama of utter disgrace is, the scourge of my formative years and root of my almost certain future need for therapy of some description is ... The Catholic Church.
Sorry Mum, but when other kids got to go to Florida on holiday you took me to Lourdes so this one's on you.
What would you do to a brief that stated the following problem:
"We are in the midst of a crisis of reputation. For decades we have, at best failed to address claims of child abuse amongst our organisation, and at worst arranged for this to be concealed from the public domain while the abuse persists. Attendances at Mass have never been lower. We will never change or alter our fundamental beliefs regardless of how they may conflict with the way of the world. What was true 2000 years ago remains so today. Oh and the head of our Church likes to say publicly some of the most objectionable things you'll ever hear about aids, contraception, and sexual orientation. We can't stop him doing this. There's also something about him being in the Hitler Youth. So meet in two weeks to see what you've got?"
"PS We don't believe in dinosaurs"
Eh..
When your best option is Tom Hanks and Dan Brown you know you're pretty much fucked.
(Please don't feel the need to point out that I have missed the point of the Da Vinci Code. This makes you look bad. Not me)
You know how when people say when you’re feeling good the sun shines a little brighter, the birds sing a little sweeter?
Well when you’re a grade ‘A’, 5th dan, Jedi miserable bastard like myself these “pleasures” will be forever illusive.It’s a matter of time before that sun blinds me while cycling and sends me off to meet the front end of the number 36 to Kilbarchan.And the birds, well I’ve never seen the point.When you get beyond the squawking, shitting and swooping their just all smug about being able to fly.Am I right?(note to self it’s pointless to pose a question if no one reads it)
Truth be known I wouldn’t have it any other way.If I didn’t have this chip on my shoulder...well I’d probably mess up my balance for a start.Ha that’s a fantastic miserablest joke.
No really it’s best to bleak, none more black etc.It doesn’t mean you don’t enjoy yourself.Far from it.You get all the real enjoyment normal people get (apart from the sun and the birds and all that sugary nonsense), but you also get a whole lot more.It’s like you discover a secret hidden level of enjoyment. In this secret land, within darker regions of the brain you get to swear, sneer, be smug, and feel you’re better than others completely without foundations.If you’re lucky you’ll also discover the bonus special power when in there, otherwise known as borderline alcoholism.
Let’s face it life’s just one big computer game.I’ve got access to a secret level and you can go whistle if you think I’m telling you lot how to get in.
The BBC are looking at closing 6Music and Twitter is not fucking happy. I’m not fucking happy.
Here’s the skinny.
It costs the BBC £6 million per year to run 6music. They’re targeting £600 million of savings to a £3.6 billion license fee. The station attracts on average 695,000 listeners week. The Beeb is under constant pressure to be responsible with the license fee so this represents a cut in the non essential.
The term non essential is entirely subjective though.
Actually at the moment it’s hard to see 6music as anything other than a success. The latest figures show a quarterly increase in listeners of 11.3%, and year on year up 12.3%. Beyond the numbers they’ve also adapted and evolved very well. A current impressive schedule includes Lauren Laverne, Adam and Joe, Jarvis, Guy Garvey, Shaun Keaveny and eh Lister.
You’ve got to feel for those at the station who have worked hard to achieve these results only to be told they’ll soon be out of a job.
To my uninformed peepers, it seems that it’s the technology that not being adapted. That’s the failure. Then even that’s a red herring as there’s a date of 2015 for a digital switch over. So it’s got to work. That’s what makes the axing of one of DABs success stories all the more perplexing.
Further concern for the Beeb should be who it is they are alienating here. Amongst the adjectives to describe their listeners will be: passionate, informed, opinion leading, dedicated. In other words those most likely to stir up the most shit if something goes down that they object to.
Let’s hope they do.
You wont care, I’m sure but I have featured on 6music. Well I had a text read out that I sent in response to a session by this guy. Legend (me that is)
The impressive amount of effort Mr's Terry, Cole and Woods have put in 'out of hours' will result in them losing a few hundred thousand, even a few million from their already offensive fortunes through lost endorsement deals. "I can't use you", says Mr or Mrs Marketing Director "people hate you now". Fickle industry eh?
To be fair I wouldn't invest in them now, but then i'm not really a fan of 'eggs in one basket', face of the brand' campaigns. In fact i find it painfully lazy work.
It is tiring to see the widespread moral outrage at these stories and then the ensuing joy in picking apart the consequences. It makes me wonder what the expectations were in the first place. "I feel for the kids, me" Right you do, you're lapping this shit up. "Kids look up to them", yeah well kids look up to you more and you still pile mind altering levels of aspartame down their wee gobs, daily.
Let's consider that these are young sports people, granted god like status and unspendable amounts of money. Not surprisingly, their is very little 'human' elements to them to relate to. They exist within a completely different frame of reference to 99% of the public.
George Best, Andre Agassi, Maradonna, you name it they did it and we loved them. Cheered them on even. Woulddn't touch them with a marketing budget though.
Also be careful what you wish for while Chris Hoy and Michael Owen are lurking.
Oh and finally, i thought Terry and Cole were horrible before they started putting it about.
Last night was Super Bowl Sunday. In tribute I sat till 3am alone in my living room, drinking weak American beer, washing down a heroic dose of hydrogenated fats. Perhaps this has something to do with my particularly un-sunny disposition today. I’m on a level 5 MSG comedown.
Here are some musings from this year’s event, circus, hoo ha…
Ads are still King (in a way)
Fifty-one percent of people most enjoy the commercials that air throughout the game when compared to the Super Bowl game itself.
As per usual the ads oozed money. Not surprising as some 30 second spots carry a media cost of around $3 million.
The big boys come as no surprise. Anheuser-Busch top the tree having spent over one hundred million dollars in last five years in media. While Doritos put 80% oftheir TV budget into Superbowl ads alone.*
This years offerings were an interesting bunch.
Brand Republic suggest that Snickers were one of (if not the) best received. It’s about football, it’s got a joke in it, a campaign line, and a old age pensioner being snapped in two and saying ‘yo mama’. God bless you America.**
Google were a surprise addition to this mega brand wall pissing competition. Their ad was simple, it had charm. In other words it didn’t really fit with the vibe of SB. I like it. A lot.
Interestingly, Pepsi had announced that they would be sitting this one out to invest in social media campaigns. I’d like to think this was a considered gamble based on belief, but it does correspond with a very difficult time for the advertising industry.
Just because I want to, I’ve posted a recent favourite of mine. Coke remade a classic ad of theirs with current iconic NFL star Troy Polamalu
First the original they were parodying with Mean Joe Green
and the Troy ad
Over on our side of the pond, this year viewers were treated to repeated reminders about the risks of Chlamydia. That’s all very well but I can’t help but think, it is a fittingly British way to ‘do’ Superbowl ads. Pick the UK ad from this list of advertisers Doritos, Burger King, Ford, Chlamydia. During the coverage broadcaster Sky thought it would be a good idea to check in with Vernon Kay in some sports bar in London, to see what he was up to for the game. Christ only knows why.
It's all a show
At half time, Pete Townsend and Roger Daltry, did their stuff. They banged out a melody of big hits on a stage that must have cost a few Polar Bears. On the basis of my research (arguing with some geeks online) it didn’t go down well. Thinking back to last year, The Boss and Sylvio from The Sopranos told us that we were ‘Born to Run’. This year 65 year old Daltrey summoned mod culture and offered it up. Not so difficult to understand why it won’t go down as a classic. They wouldn’t even be there if it were not for some TV theme tunes.
Don’t forget the game
In the game itself, Drew Brees, a quarter back overlooked and rejected by others teams, threw a near perfect game for his underdog side to bring some happiness back to a City that deserves it. Not so much a happy ending, but a welcome distraction. Fitting.
